During April and May 2014, experienced addiction counselor and motivational
speaker Neil Paul has presented five 'life-coaching' sessions at SHAFA HOME,
Delhi. The sessions' themes have revolved around challenging negative thoughts
& behaviours and developing the necessary skills to establish a healthy
relationship with ourselves, our peers and our conception of a Higher Power.
These sessions last approximately two hours and take a discussion-cum-Q and A
format. Sessions are attended by all residents and staff members.
In our first session we
considered the various ways substance-abuse had affected our work-life,
family-life and health. Several members were asked to stand and give a short
introduction regarding the effect their addiction had in these three core areas
of life. We learnt that not only had it affected our lives in these areas, it
had also viciously corroded our rational thinking and problem-solving skills.Neil Paul incorporated aspects of 'cognitive psychology' to highlight certain ideas such as strengthening our internal locus of control and discerning short term vs. long term goal setting. He stressed that we needed to organise our "mind-clutter" and then re-structure our brain with clear, tangible and achievable objectives & goals. The session drew to a close with members giving a short speech on their dreams in life. Whether it was becoming a professional footballer, a travelling journalist or opening a hospital, it was evident to see that our shadowy pasts had not robbed us of the light for a promising future.
In active addiction, we
filled our minds with negative self-agreements such as how useless we were and
our inability to be productive members of society. Neil Paul's second session
aimed at eradicating our false justifications, in order to rebuild our
self-esteem and confidence. With the collaborative efforts of one of our senior
counsellors, a slide-show presentation highlighted positive vs. negative
attitudes, the 3 types of behaviour: passivity, assertiveness and aggression
and "how to assertively say no". One resident asked how to be
assertive successfully. Many of us felt that in asserting our needs we fall
short of our intention by coming across as threatening and arrogant. In an
animated and heated discussion, we could figuratively feel light bulbs switch
on above our participants' heads as they learnt a variety of techniques to
identify 'relationship-forging' and 'relationship-destroying' manners of
behaving. The discussion then transiently progressed to the topic of assertion.
We were given a list of implementable strategies on how to assertively and
firmly decline a request without offending or disrespecting our peers. 
Both staff and residents
alike experienced the second session to be tremendously useful! Life in active
addiction skewed our ability to firmly say "no" when faced with
situations compromising our physical and emotional well-being.
Neil Paul's third session involved us listening to four short stories
entitled "Where's God?", "The Monkey And His Apple",
"Death At A Funeral" and "The Learned Pandit". The purpose
of this exercise was to consider the underlying message behind each tale. Essentially
we were encouraged to utilise our mind and embrace a new outlook on life. After
mentally digesting each story, several members stood up and briefly explained
what they had learned. One expressed “to harness positivity and triumph over
personal strife, we have to remember our Higher Power is constantly protecting
us...we need to strengthen and renew that relationship on a daily basis".
Another member told the group "if we want to maintain that feeling of joy,
we need to make a solid effort to be grateful, when life throws sour lemons at
us as well when life is fantastic". The resounding notion from our members
was that we needed to constantly remember nobody can hinder our personal growth
but us. Only we are in charge of our thoughts, feelings and actions. Nobody
else can be blamed for our shortcomings. Personal responsibility is the key to
breaking free from the shackles of our past failures.
So far, our residents and staff are deeply impressed with Neil Paul's
sessions. We feel they echo the SHAFA ethos of pro-activity, reliance upon the
individual's own abilities to progress in life and willingness to accept
feedback in order to further our personal growth. If we can act upon these
points, then the sky is the limit for us!
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