Healing from addiction is difficult
for every addict, but when codependency and addiction occur together, recovery
can be even more difficult. Here, you will learn what codependency is, the
relationship between codependency and addiction, and treatment for codependency
with and without addiction.
First, let's consider the basics:
What is Codependency? Codependency
is a relationship pattern which sees one person putting another's needs before
their own. When codependency and addiction occur together, the two behaviours
can reinforce one another.
To further explain, we'll say that
two people are dating. The first person has an addiction to alcohol. In
codependent relationships, this is the “addict.” The second person focuses on
the other's needs to the extent that they do not think about their own. This
person is known as the “caretaker.” The pattern of behaviour that occurs between
the two is known as “codependency.”
Codependent behaviour can extend
even further, so that one person is even making significant decisions for the
other, telling them what to think, and ultimately limiting their ability to act
independently. In this case, codependency and addiction directly contribute to
maintain unhealthy behavior.
What causes codependency?
Codependency was first noticed in
the 1950s by psychotherapists treating clients with alcoholism. They found that
often a spouse or partner helped to maintain the addictive behaviour. As far as
individual causes, therapists now consider a range factors which contribute to
codependent behaviour. These include chemical imbalances in the brain,
childhood experiences, current life situation, addiction history and past
relationships.
What are the Symptoms of
codependency? People who have codependent behaviours often have the following
symptoms:
Low self-esteem due to deeply held
feelings of shame, guilt, inadequacy, and a need for perfection.
A need to make other people happy
and a difficulty saying “no.”
Difficulty creating healthy
boundaries and distinguishing responsibility for actions.
A need to control situations,
people, and their own feelings.
Poor communication skills.
Obsessively thinking about other
people and their own anxieties and fears.
Their own dependency on other
people.
Fear of and issues with intimacy.
Negative and painful emotions such
as depression, resentment, and despair.
Codependency and Addiction
Codependency and addiction are often
closely related, as codependency was first associated with partners of
alcoholics. Today, addiction is still one of the most common associations of
codependency. How does this work?
People with a drug or alcohol
addiction often have a range of problems stemming from their addiction. These
may include:
·
Issues with work and money
·
Problems with other relationships
·
High-risk behaviours
·
Constant need for emotional support.
The codependent partner does what
they can to support the addict through all of these trials and tribulations.
There may be token gestures to help the addict get clean, but the addictive
behaviour is not resolved, and the difficult life circumstances continue.
Indeed, the codependent often helps
the addict to engage in harmful behaviours, helps to clean up and cover for
them. They may also provide money and other support.
Codependency is not always
associated with addiction, but for those who are addicts, there is often a
codependent. And, in many cases, the codependent often engages in addictive
behaviour themselves. It may happen that people in this situation both engage
in codependent behaviour. More frequently, however, one person will have the
more severe addiction issues, and the other will support them.
Treatment for Codependency :
When neither partner has an
addiction, treatment usually occurs when a couple is having significant
problems maintaining their already challenging relational patterns.
In the case of addiction, treatment
often occurs when the addict has some form of crisis and is forced to make
major life changes. Such crises may include medical treatment resulting from
dependence, legal or criminal proceedings, or instabilities such as
relationship and work problems. Frequently, because of the addiction, treatment
for codependency occurs at an addiction treatment centre.
In either case, treatment is
complicated because the codependent partner does not see the harm their
behaviour causes. In fact, they view their actions as helping their partner and
do so as an expression of their love. For this reason, it is important to
diagnose and treat codependency and addiction together.
The challenge in treatment is to
objectively look at the behaviours of the codependent and how they affect the
health, happiness, and well-being of their partner in multiple areas of life.
These include emotional life, work life, relationships, physical health, and
overall well-being.
Treatment is administered as a
combination of individual therapy and couples therapy, depending on the needs
of the client. Goals of therapy include understanding how codependent behaviour
affects the partner and relationship, making healthy relational changes,
improving communication, and creating lasting behavioural changes through
planning and accountability.
In the case of codependent treatment
which occurs in conjunction with addiction, it is invaluable to have the
codependent on board. They have had a role in maintaining the addiction, and
maintenance of recovery depends in some part on changing the dynamic in the
addicts' relationships. You may find this resource helpful as you
consider treatment options.
Codependent No More :
While codependency and addiction are
often treated in an addiction treatment centre, there are also steps you can
take on your own to break unhealthy patterns and become codependent no
more. Following these four steps is a good starting place for both the addict
and the caretaker:
1. Abstinence. For both the addict and the caretaker, sobriety
is necessary for significant changes to the codependent relationship. As long
as needs for health are ignored and submerged in alcohol or drugs, there will
be little opportunity to make relationship changes. Naturally, this is
complicated as often the codependent relationship itself helps maintain the
substance abuse disorder.
2. Awareness. Important and lasting changes begin with awareness
that there is a problem. Awareness can come in major insights or through
smaller clues, but the point is that it catalyzes into a desire for
change. Though it may be challenging to acknowledge a problem, it
essential for making positive changes in the relationship.
3. Acceptance. Changes begin with awareness, and they
continue with acceptance. This can be understood in two ways. First, accepting
that there is a problem, that there is unhappiness and suffering, and that you
have had a role in that suffering. But second, accepting the work and changes
that must occur for a healthier, happier life.
4. Action. Talk can only go so far, for at the core of codependency
and addiction are patterns of behaviour. To change the relationship and the
addiction, there must be changes in behaviours. Such changes include better
communication, decreasing behaviours which contribute to addiction, and
increasing those behaviours which support a healthy relationship.
If you think that you may be
involved in a codependent relationship – whether with an addict or as the
addict - contact a qualified psychologist or drug and alcohol rehab centre for
help.
Shafa Home is the most respected drug
rehab India has to offer, and our qualified counsellors have many
years of experience treating codependency alongside addiction.
(These articles are the sole property of “The Cabin Chiang Mai”, they are its original
authors.)
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