While perfectionists may often be successful in
their careers, they are often unhappy in many other parts of their lives - and
that can lead to substance abuse and addiction issues.
Some
people take on a pompous tone when telling people what perfectionists they are.
However, a true perfectionist – as opposed to a high achiever – will often view
their perfectionism as a curse. And many will develop a drug or alcohol
dependence because of it.
When it comes to being a high achiever, there is no doubt
that it has its benefits. These people set attainable goals of a high standard,
and set out to achieve them while typically enjoying their journey along the
way. While they will still, of course, be disappointed if they don't reach
their goal – they typically bounce back quickly and try again. Most successful
people would be considered high achievers. A perfectionist on the other hand,
will set goals so high that they often fail – or go through great pains and
make many sacrifices (such as health, family, social life, etc.) in order to
obtain these goals. The end result, not the journey, is the only thing that
matters. And when they do achieve their goals, they can often only see the tiny
imperfections where they might have done better, instead of being happy and
proud that they achieved such a great feat.
When
a perfectionist fails to achieve the perfection they strive for, (let's face it
– nobody or nothing is perfect) it can lead to bouts of depression, anxiety,
and loss of self-worth. For these people, achieving their goals is everything
and failing in them is horrifying. Their struggle for perfection will also make
them feel alienated from others and alone.
The
fear of making mistakes – and not measuring up to self-made perfect standards –
can also
create severe and chronic anxiety. Anxiety, depression,
alienation and loneliness are all feelings that often go hand-in-hand with
addiction. After years of self-bullying, trying to be and do all things
perfect, many perfectionists feel so beat down, that they try to drown out
these feelings with alcohol and drugs.
Of
course, self-medicating these issues is only going to cause more trouble in the
long-run. As the user abuses substances on a more frequent basis to drown out
the pain, the brain itself forgets how to deal with these emotions in its own
way – and becomes dependent on the substance.
Asking for help as a perfectionist
For
most true perfectionists, there are two (sometimes subconscious) rules to live
by:
1. Strive
only for perfection – anything even slightly less is not good enough
2. Do
not ask for help, as asking for help is a sign of weakness
Because
of this, perfectionists are often the last people to ask for help when they
become addicted. Denial is a huge part of any addiction, but for a
perfectionist it can be even stronger. They can't and simply won't believe that
they could possibly not be in control of a part of their life. If they are
lucky, some may manage to get sober once on their own, through sheer
determination of showing their own power. However, it usually leads straight
into a relapse as they have not received any guidance in how to handle the
inner demons that were causing them to use in the first place – and which are
likely the driving force behind the relapse as well.
New Delhi-based addictions counselor, Mr. Neil Paul,
commented in an article that “The patients I treat are highly successful in the
external aspects of their lives – they are wealthy, powerful, incredibly smart
and often household names. Their demand for perfection has enabled them to
excel in traditional notions of success, but turns against them when they need
to resource the compassion for and acceptance of their humanness that will
enable them to succeed as recovering women and men living in an imperfect
world”.
Perfectionists
and Addiction (part II), will address the difficulties of recovery as a
perfectionist, and how to make it through successfully.If you or someone you
know is struggling with perfectionism and/or addiction, contact a professional
for guidance.
This article is the sole property of "The Cabin", they
are its original authors.
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