Recovery is
always difficult, but for a perfectionist it can be even more daunting. Follow
these tips to make recovery as a perfectionist a little bit easier.
As
discussed in Perfectionists and Addiction Part 1, perfectionism and addiction
can often go hand-in-hand. For those perfectionists consistently trying to be
nothing short of perfect – anxiety, depression, alienation and loneliness are
common feelings that can fuel addiction, and perfectionism overall can put a
damper on recovery.
Addiction
recovery is always difficult, but for those who also have an underlying case of
perfectionism, recovery can be even harder. In the following ways, perfectionists
sabotage their own recovery:
Beliefs that even recovery has to be perfect.
In abstinence-based
recovery, a perfectionist believes
that they can never slip up – that their road to recovery should be without any
potholes. Any long-time recovering addict can tell you that's definitely not
the norm.
Life may be great, but a perfectionist is still
miserable.
They may be doing
well at work, be making a great
income, and have a great family life – but it's just never good enough. They
focus on the imperfections instead, and this can fuel the addiction.
Believing they can conquer addiction on their own.
Most perfectionists will do anything they can before asking for help, as they see it as
a sign of weakness. Instead of getting the help
they need,
they will tell themselves they can get over it on their own. When they cannot
stop abusing drugs or alcohol, their feelings of shame and guilt increase,
which drives them deeper into their addiction.
Self-sabotaging their own confidence and their recovery.
If they start to feel that their recovery is not going well, they may give up
entirely. “If I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all”. Ironically
enough, this only leads them further down the road of self-destruction.That
being said, however, perfectionists are far from doomed in recovery. There are
several things they can do to tame their inner perfectionist and excel in
recovery.
Recovery
tips for Perfectionist Addicts
1.
Celebrate each accomplishment, big or small: Perfectionists view themselves either as
a success or a failure – there is nothing in between. In order to succeed in
recovery, one must learn a ‘good enough' attitude. Recovery will never be
perfect. There will be massive cravings, there will be bouts of depression, and
there may even be a relapse at some point. Maintaining a positive attitude
about small milestones such as days or weeks of sobriety, and celebrating one's
own courage and strength to push forward, is important on the long journey of
recovery.
2.
Increase self-confidence :While it is important to celebrate successes, recovery isn't just
about that. Learning to love one's self for all the reasons that other people
can see is very important. Spending time with loved ones, volunteering or
giving back to others in the community, and making time for enjoyable hobbies
and activities are great ways to boost self-confidence and feel pride about
something completely unrelated to recovery. Only then, will a perfectionist
begin to see that life is not always strictly about achieving goals.
3.
Listen and learn from others :Support from friends and loved ones is always an important part of
recovery. With a perfectionist, however, a large part of recovery will include
watching and learning from those around them. Watching how others bounce back
when things don't turn out perfectly, or how others allow themselves a bit of
buffer space when achieving goals. Seeing that to others, a small set back is
just that – a small setback, not a disastrous event. Also, talking openly to
loved ones about the situation, and allowing them to be upfront when they see
the addict being irrational is an important step. Often, others are able to see
the patterns quicker than the perfectionist them self.
4.
Talk to a professional: Unfortunately, most societies endorse achievement-obsessed thinking. And
while being a perfectionist will often lead to success in a career, it rarely
leads to happiness. A balance needs to be in place – achieve goals, but allow
some room to live and do things that are leisurely and ‘just for fun' too. Not
everything is a competition. For many, it is helpful to speak to a professional
beyond an addictions counsellor – someone who also has extensive experience
working specifically with perfectionists.
5. Be open to new ideas: It will definitely be difficult at first,
but it's important for the perfectionist to begin changing the way they deal
with situations. They should start out by being flexible when plans change,
allowing those close to them to make mistakes without saying anything to them,
letting go of the smaller trip-ups, delays or small errors at work. They will
surely find that life goes on, and quite pleasantly most likely. Not trying to
perfect and control everything will release a lot of the stress and anxiety, in
turn, aiding recovery.
The most
important thing about recovery for any addict is to focus on themselves. They
must get an understanding of the issues behind their addiction, not be afraid
to ask for help or make mistakes, and take recovery one day at a time.
If you or
someone you know is suffering from addiction, please contact a professional for
help. The quicker it is treated, the higher the chances for a successful
recovery.
This
article is the sole property of "The Cabin", they are its original
authors.
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