Dealing with Death and Grief in
Addiction Recovery
Losing a loved one is one of the most painful human
experiences. Grief can take a toll on even the most resilient individuals, as
feelings of guilt, denial, sadness, and despair sometimes overwhelm our ability
to cope. For those in addiction recovery, the time of grief after losing a
loved one is an incredibly high risk period. Even those who have been sober for
many years may succumb to relapse when dealing with grief.
Grief compromises our ability to think clearly, and an
addict's gut reaction for dealing with grief will be to numb the pain with
drugs and alcohol. However, relapse is not inevitable, nor the answer. There are things you can do to help ease the
pain of dealing with death while staying sober.
People in recovery are some of the strongest people out
there. You were able to overcome your disease and have learned many coping
skills along the way. This means you have the skills for dealing with grief as
well, even if it does not seem that way in the beginning. The following tips
are meant to remind you of your strength and the steps you can take to prevent
relapse while dealing with the loss of a loved one.
Strategies
for Dealing with Death and Grief in Recovery
1. Reach out for support.
The most
important thing you can do is reach out for support rather than retreating
within yourself. Calling on the support of friends, family, and others in
recovery at this time is more crucial than ever. You may even ask someone from
your support network to stay with you as you pass through the early and most
vulnerable stages of grief, when cravings to use will be strong.
2. Acknowledge your emotions.
Grief will
bring with it a range of emotions and numbing yourself with substances or
otherwise avoiding the pain and sadness is the worst thing you can do. With the
help of your supports, acknowledge and express any feelings such as sadness,
anger, and guilt that arise. Allowing yourself to experience intense streams of
emotion will help you move through your grief and come to peace with your loss.
3. Return to regular meetings.
In early
recovery it is not uncommon to attend meetings regularly, even every day. As
time goes on and our sobriety gets stronger, often attendance of group meetings
become less frequent. When you are dealing with grief it is a good idea to
regularly attend recovery meetings. Surrounding yourself with people who
understand the cravings you are experiencing will help you get through them
without relapsing. Recovery groups can serve as a reminder of the pain that
addiction brings and will help you keep your sobriety a priority even through
the most difficult of times.
4. Be creative.
Engaging in a
creative activity can help you acknowledge and express your emotions in a healthy way. Writing, painting, or gardening are all
creative outlets you can use to pay tribute to a lost loved one. Writing
journal entries and letters, planting a tree or flowers in remembrance, or
letting your emotions come out in colour through painting and drawing can help
you work through the difficult emotions you are experiencing.
5. Pray and/or meditate.
Practicing mindfulness meditation can help you acknowledge your stream of emotions, as well as
ride out cravings when they occur. Meditation helps us understand that no
feelings last forever. Both prayer and meditation can help you stay connected
to your strength when you need it the most.
6. Read encouraging books and
articles.
Although you
may feel alone, all of us end up dealing with death at some point. Read books
of encouragement, or stories of how other people in recovery have made it
through their grief and despair while still maintaining their sobriety. Reading another person's story can help you understand your own feelings.
7. Practise healthy eating and
sleeping habits.
Grief can make
it very difficult to keep up healthy practises. For those in recovery, slipping
into poor eating and sleeping habits only compounds the risk for relapse. You can enlist the help of others by asking them to
regularly share meal times with you. If you are struggling with sleeping too
little or too much it may be wise to consult your doctor or counsellor for
extra help.
8. Get personal counselling.
Dealing with
grief is not something you have to do alone. The support of friends and family
is crucial, but you may want to enlist the support of a professional counsellor
as well. Counsellors will help you apply all of the above strategies and are
experienced in helping people dealing with death and loss. Especially if your
urges to use are strong, or you feel like life is not worth living, seeking
professional help is necessary.
Planning
Ahead for Grief Triggers
While none of the above are meant to cure or completely take
away the pain that comes with grief, they are tools that will help you get
through the experience and stay sober. Grief can last for months, and even
years after a loss there will be times when your heart feels heavy.
When you are dealing with grief it is important to plan
ahead for grief triggers, just as you plan for relapse triggers. Holidays,
anniversaries, and other certain times and places may revive feelings of grief.
Prepare for these times so you are not caught off guard when waves of grief
hit. You might take the day off from work in advance or schedule a counselling
session — but whatever coping strategy you choose, ensure you know what it will
be in advance, to help prevent relapse.
For anyone who has suffered alcoholism, a drug addiction, or
process addiction — dealing with grief after the loss of a loved one will
likely be one of the most challenging times you go through in your recovery. If
you do relapse after the loss of a loved one, it does not mean that you have
failed and should just continue using. Instead, you need to get help as soon as
possible to get
back on track. Admit your lapse to someone else
and consider entering a drug or alcohol rehab. There are people who care for
you and want you to continue to succeed in your recovery despite setbacks.
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