For many
addicts, as the addiction gets worse, lying becomes deeply ingrained in their
way of life and it actually becomes incredibly difficult to tell the truth.
And, if they have been getting away with weaving a web of lies and nobody has
called them out on it, it only seems logical to think that lying is just simply
easier than telling the truth. That is why it is very important to deal
with the lies in an appropriate manner. Here are a few tips on how to deal with
them in a way that's beneficial to both you and your loved one:
1.
Don't take it personally
When a loved
one lies to you, it can feel as though they no longer love or respect you, and
this can cause a great amount of emotional pain. You must remember, however,
that an addict mainly lies for their own benefit – to keep the reality of their
situation from surfacing. And in fact, an addict often believes that by
lying to a loved one, it is causing them less pain with a ‘what you don't know
won't hurt you' type of attitude. Instead of getting upset and yelling at them
or reacting negatively towards them, take it with a grain of salt and focus
your energy on helping them get out of their situation instead.
2.
Stop enabling
If you know
that your loved one is lying to you, pretending to believe them, or turning
a blind eye will only encourage their behavior and allow them to sink
deeper into their addiction. Whether they think you actually believe them, or
they know you're turning a blind eye, you're essentially telling them that
their behavior is okay. Instead, you need to let them know that you know the
truth. When the lies are no longer working, it will help force them into
honesty and (hopefully) in to asking for the help they need.
3.
Point out the truths
When negative incidents occur, such as
arrests, medical issues, loss of job, or anything that is visible to you
(and not just to the person struggling with addiction) it is helpful for you to
point it out. Do your best to sound non-judgmental and definitely not
condescending. However, it is important for your loved one to realize that
their actions are having negative impacts, and that others can see that
and are also being affected by them.
4.
Boost their confidence
When an addict feels shame, it fuels
their addiction. Therefore, you can help them by creating a supportive
environment where they feel they can be open and honest with you. You can also
build their confidence and encourage them to create goals again by literally
listing for them the things that would be better if they got treatment for
their addiction. Most addicts feel a sense of emptiness when they imagine their
life without their substance, so help fill that void with reminders of how good
life was before the activities that you used to enjoy together or those
that they enjoyed doing alone.
5.
Get them some help
If it's clear to you that your loved one is
suffering from addiction, it is important to get them help right away. It does
no good for you or them if you continue to be in denial yourself. You can start
by contacting your family doctor for guidance in finding the most
appropriate treatment, and get them into a rehabilitation program as soon as
possible. The sooner the addict gets help, the better their chances of
recovery.
Shafa Home offers
treatment for both substance and process or behavioral addictions with a
program that is highly personalized and culturally sensitive.
(These articles are the sole property of “The Cabin Chiang Mai”, they are its original
authors.)
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